2008

New York City, NY.

I’m an Irishman in New York, and I’m hopping with nerves.

After over a year of messaging Steph on MySpace, I’m finally about to meet her.

I’ve traveled from Dublin, Ireland to stay with my brother in New Jersey for the summer, and Steph flew from the West Coast to visit her father in New York.

So I’m wandering aimlessly around Manhattan waiting for her call.

When the phone finally rings, I take a deep breath to calm myself.

“Hi Steph, are you on your way?”
“Well actually, my Dad got me a ticket for the Yankees game tonight, so...”

“So we can’t meet?” I say, knowing the answer.

“Baseball before boys, you know,” she chirps back, not seeming too bothered.

“Eh, okay. I mean, sure, that’s fine,” I ramble on, trying to hide the massive sinking feeling in my chest.

After we hung up, something else washed over me…

Relief.
Steph standing me up was a confirmation of what I suspected.

I was a fool to dream this cool girl would like me.

Nice one, Halligan…

The Irish lad swings and the Irish lad misses.
*****

2007,

Dublin, Ireland.

I’m updating my MySpace profile in my gaff in Dublin.

MySpace is the hottest online social media space at the time.

You could interact with your favorite bands, and mine was (and is) blink-182.

And the lyric that resonated with me the most was from “Not Now.”

“God has a master plan,

And I guess I am in his demand.”

Although the band had split, I hang out on their fan page with others like me, desperate for news of a reunion.

And one day I replied to this girl Steph’s comment on a post…

It was funny and showed she knew her blink too…

To my surprise she responded, and pretty soon we were texting or calling every day, despite the 8-hour time difference.

She was funny, smart, and cute as a button, and this pasty Irish lad fell for that exotic Costa Rican and Dominican girl hard and fast as a blink-182 riff.

*****
I was never a ladies’ man.

I had one serious girlfriend in my teens…

But she broke my heart.

So I threw my energy into my own pop-punk band…

But the band split and my Rock & Roll dreams died too. 

Those two heartbreaks shattered what little hope I had left.

Thing is, I always believed anyone could do whatever they set their heart on.

And I knew I was destined for greater things.

But I had begun to drift.

I was a ship without a sail, allowing the waves to take me where they pleased.

At the time I was a Corporate Trainer at Sony U.K.  

Every month I flew to England to get trained on Sony’s newest equipment.

Then I’d travel around Ireland training the staff at the big electronics retail stores.

I didn’t love it.

But I also didn’t know what else to do.

I knew there was something else out there for me, I just didn’t know who or what it was.

And as it turns out, Rock & Roll wasn’t done with me just yet.

The blink-182 fan page allowed me to meet the bandmate of my dreams.

*****

It surprised me how quickly and easily Steph and I clicked.

Now remember this was 16 years ago, and although we didn’t meet on a dating app., I wasn’t comfortable talking about this gorgeous, funny, and laid-back girl I had met online with any of my friends or family.

I kind of liked that it was a secret.

I was insecure enough about girls and didn’t need any more pressure or piss-taking from my friends about how we met.

All that mattered was the fun and silliness that Steph and I enjoyed.

At times I wondered what on earth she saw in me.

I’m not being falsely humble when I say that.

I really didn’t think I had all that much going for me.

But that’s the funny thing about love.

It doesn’t care what you do for a living or how big your plans are.

It doesn’t care what you can offer it in return.

It just picks two people who it thinks it can help.

And it washes over them until it shows them just how unique and precious they really are…

Until they believe they’re worthy of love too.

*****

I won’t lie.

I was butt hurt when Steph stood me up for a baseball game.

I could have said “screw this” and believed it was even more proof that I was always going to be alone.

But I knew she didn’t do it out of spite.

After I had dusted off my bruised pride, I actually kind of admired her for it.

She had come from out of town too, and her Dad had gotten her tickets to see her first love…

The Yankees.

I learned pretty quickly that when you love someone you have to love what they love too…

After all, they love you.

And looking back, I think it was a blessing in disguise that we didn’t meet that summer.

Who knows what would have happened if we had met then?

And as I flew the 3,000 miles back to Ireland, still working through my feelings, I clung to blink’s line…

“God has a master plan.”

So when I got back, I was more determined than ever to somehow make it work.

The time difference meant I would often stay up chatting to Steph late into the night.

I’d only get a couple of hours sleep before forcing myself to get up for the dull job that didn’t even bother me anymore.

Because even though I didn’t know what form it would take or how Steph and I would shape it…

I could sense a new, beautiful future slowly settling around us like a warm and loving cloak.

*****

St. Patrick’s Day

2009

New York City

“Yeah, you’ll easily recognize me. I’ll be wearing a full Leprechaun costume,” I told Steph on the phone. “Yep, orange beard and all.”

She was still laughing as I hung up to go paint the town green with the lads.

Me and a few of my best mates had flown over from Dublin for a week.

Now I was fond of a beer or two at the time, but I behaved that day.

It was late that evening when we made it across town to the bar to meet Steph and her sister.

Steph took my breath away.

And I have to hand it to her.

After two years of daily chatting, we finally meet in person and I’m dressed head to toe in a leprechaun costume.

And even that didn’t drive her away.

*****
The week we spend together goes by in a flash.

Being with Steph in person is even more magical than I had imagined.

There’s an ease about her that calms me.

A faith that inspires me.

A tenderness that embraces me. 

A beauty that stuns me.

And a heart that holds me.

Our last morning together is chillier than the rest.

As we stroll around Times Square one last time, we hold each other close for warmth.

Two innocent kids gripped by love, not knowing what to do next or what the future may bring.  

I turn to Steph and say the words I’ve been dreading since I arrived.

 “It’s time to go.”

As the cab pulls up, I look deep into her eyes, and through the sheen of sadness, I see a deeper layer of faith.

And that gives me the strength to say what I say next.

“I don’t know how, but I’m going to make this work. I’ll do whatever it takes, for however long it takes. Are you in?”
Steph smiles and nods.

“I’m in.”

“I love you, Steph,” I say, surprising myself but believing it deep in my soul.

“I love you too,” says Steph.

We kiss and before I know it, I’m in the back of the cab driving away.

Out the back window, I watch her walk into the Times Square crowd to go about her day.

Will she have fun today?

Will she be sad for a while?

When will I see her again?

When the last glimpse of her black leather jacket is swallowed by the crowd, I allow myself a little cry.

And for a moment, some doubt creeps in.

The voice of the guy who doesn’t think he’s all that special.

The voice of all the doubters who’ll tell him he’s a dreamer.

But then I remember the calmness and confidence in Steph’s eyes when we said goodbye…

The commitment we made to each other…

We’re all in on this…

Together.

And the doubt and fear melt away.

Yeah, Halligan, you’re swinging for the fences with this one.

But this time, you’re gonna make damn sure you don’t miss.

I had done all I could for now.

And after all, God has a master plan.

And I guess I am in his demand.

I had raised my sail and now I could finally steer my ship.

Towards Steph and onward to our promised land.